


Pop Rocks

by kurrytypesalot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Oral Sex, Xenophilia, tentabulge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:50:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurrytypesalot/pseuds/kurrytypesalot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A night of innocent movie-watching quickly goes downhill as Karkat inspects John's "inferior human body," which leads to a discussion of nooksucking, and, inevitably, the actual act thereof.</p><p>Also: say hello to my tentabulge headcanon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nooksuckers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sawedoffram @ tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sawedoffram+%40+tumblr).



> Let's all see how horrible Kurry is at writing porn! Wooo! Also, how bad he is at writing Karkat! Wooo! Maybe John too? Wooo?
> 
> Also eli this part of the fic is entirely [inspired by] you. Entirely.

"You're so soft and squishy, it's horrible." Karkat says as he runs his hands across your lovehandles.

"Karkat, stop, you're tickling me."

"I don't understand how your race can be okay with being this terrifying. It only further proves how inferior you are." He raises your shirt, continuing his inspection regardless of your protests. You're not even sure why you're letting him look at you like this. You guess it's just because you're really focused on your movie right now, but you're not exactly sure. You're mulling over stopping him entirely, but your train of thought is interrupted when he nonchalantly pinches your nipples.

"Ow! Karkat, what the fuck!?"

"What? Does this nub hurt? Do you have some sort of disease, John, what it this?"

"No, Karkat, that's a nipple."

"Oh... really? Why do you have one?" He suddenly recoils, but he doesn't move away. "You don't squirt _milk_ , do you? Oh for fuck's sake don't let Equi--"

"NO! What? No! Karkat, just... _stop_!" You pull down your shirt and slap one of his hands away. "If you're going to be this weird about human anatomy just go awa--" He grabs your head by the hair mid-sentence and slams it into his lap, pulling up your shirt and inspecting your back.

"Shut up, I'm still looking." In a way you feel kind of complimented; you're impressed with yourself since he wants to look at you so much. In another way, you're bothered because now you can't see your movie at all. In fact, all you can see is Karkat's crotch. 

Wait...

You suddenly realize that you're practically nosing Karkat's... okay, wow.

"Karkat..."

"Shoosh, nooksucker!"

"Karkat, get me out of your lap."

"What part of 'I'm still looking' don't you fucking understand?"

"But someone's going to walk by and think I'm giving you a blowjob or something!"

"'The fuck is that?" he asks, completely ignoring what you said by continuing but still showing interest by asking, you guess. He acts as if you had mentioned any normal thing he didn't know when, in reality, what you mentioned was entirely sexual. His sincerity was, in a way, incredibly hilarious. He didn't find it nearly as funny.

"Wait, you mean... you don't know? Like, really?" By now, he's let you out of his lap so you can explain yourself. His eyebrows furrow that way you know they do, and it's cute because you know he's getting pretty irritated.

"What in the everloving fuck are you talking about, John?" he says as he folds his arms--oh god, things are getting serious, aren't they? "Seriously, what's a blowjob?" You can't help but burst out in laughter again. The word itself isn't that funny, but when he says it he adds a funky accent to it and you see even more that he's completely serious. His eyes narrow and you decide that you owe him an explanation.

"Karkat... a blowjob is when someone--usually your, uh, mate...spurt...whatever, um, wow this is awkward, can you stop staring at me like that?"

"Just fucking tell me already before I gut you right here!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez. It's when like, someone performs oral on your, er... bulge."

"...Oral?"

"Oh my god Karkat whyyyy. When someone sucks it and licks it and stuff!" Karkat stares at you in complete silence. "...Karkat?" He suddenly reaches up and opens your mouth with his fingers, thanks Karkat your hands taste great.

"You guys can do that, can't you...? Your teeth aren't as sharp as ours..." You're a bit surprised that he's actually thinking about this and not just shrieking "WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY NOOKSUCKERS EW GET AWAY." Haha, yes. That is _so_ Karkat. It actually just now occurs to you that Karkat doesn't even know what a nooksucker is.

"You humans do this all the time?"

"No, Karkat. It's still entirely sexual, it's just as lewd as your buckets or whatever." You can't help but smile when Karkat shudders at the word.

"Really? Do you guys reproduce like that?"

"Wow, what? No, it's just... a thing. It's just a thing." Karkat nods, and you get an uneasy feeling.

"So... could you maybe..." Oh god. Karkat, no. No Karkat, no no no.


	2. Nooksucking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my 413th post hAHAHA,,,
> 
> Welp, here we are. The main part of the fic.
> 
> This is the part where it stops being inspired by eli and my headcanons jizz all over the place. I DON'T WANNA BLAME YOU FOR MY HEADCANONS, BBY.

If it's not obvious, you've been over your 'not a homosexual' phase for awhile. After recalling your first (from Karkat's point of view) conversation with Karkat several times, you tried to reason why you decided you weren't gay and ultimately came to the decision that you don't care about genitalia all that much, you just like people.

You remind yourself of this as you're staring at a large, beating red tentacle-thing in front of you. What would you even call this. A tentadick? You're honestly not sure.

"Would you stop gawking at it like it's some sort of agglomeration of horrorterrors and feculence?" Karkat snarls, obviously growing impatient.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just... kind of fascinating." There's this weird, slimy, red coating that seems to be acting as a sort of lube. You assume the bulge is drowning in the stuff when it's tucked inside. You wipe a bit on your finger and taste it, realizing that Terezi's "candy-red" description of Karkat's blood might actually be spot on?

"Oh my god." Karkat looks away as his bulge writhes a little--you assume that's a positive reaction. You take a deep breath and give the base a generous lick. You're intrigued as the spot you touched lights up a little. You suck on the same area but jump when you feel a light shock on your lips. The whole area is a brighter red for a second, but then it dims down. 

"Jooohn," Karkat moans as he places one hand on your head, grazing through your hair. Feeling motivated, you take a bit of the tip in your mouth and suck, sliding downwards slowly. You start to hear a soft popping noise and the tip becomes a brighter red. The shock you felt earlier returns, but you realize that's not really an apt description of it. The sound reminds you of Rice Krispies when you add milk to it; it piques your curiosity more than it scares you. The actual popping isn't violent either, it's more of a passive snap, like some sort of candy you swear you've had before (though you can't really remember the name right now). You wonder if that candy was based on troll genitalia, and if the batterwitch had anything to do with it. She probably did.

When you take more of it into your mouth, you watch as all of what you take and a little more changes colors, becoming even brighter. The red mixes with a bright orange, and starts to imitate a color like fire. The picture is painted even further with the bulge writhing around in your mouth, probably instictively looking for another bulge to wrap around, and the popping becomes constant and rapid, though still soft, like twigs snapping in a campfire. It's then that the you're caught by surprise.

"Whoa! Karkat, what the fuck was that!?" You fall back and cover your mouth, watching the bulge return back to its normal color slowly.

"What? What? Did I hurt you?" Karkat's face suddenly turns into a state of horror, and you can tell he's worried that he probably fucked everything up. You become anxious to clear the air though--you don't want him to feel bad over something that's not true.

"No, no! That... it suddenly felt like, _really_ fucking good. Like, unnaturally good."

"Oh, jesus fuck, John, you had me worried for a minute there." He puts one hand to his chest and sighs in relief, "That's just what tentabulges fucking _do_ ; you saw it illuminate! When they get worked up enough the nerves start transmitting the same waves of pleasure they're receiving." You're listening to Karkat, you really are, your eyes are just really focused on all the wriggling his bulge is doing. It seems like it really misses being in your mouth. You're not sure if you find this seductive or creepy.

"It's mostly involved in the preparation process; when the bulges are rapidly sending and receiving the charges simultaneously, they get really agitated. It allows for a smoother and more copious excretion. Hence the use for the..." Karkat pauses.

"The buckets," you interrupt as you nod in understanding. "Why do they bother you so much? The other trolls don't seem to think them that big of a deal." Karkat gives you this look that screams "You just don't understand," but you throw one right back that says "Try me." Karkat sighs and massages his eyes slowly.

"I don't really have a problem with the buckets themselves. They're inanimate objects, what the fuck are they even going to do?" He rolls his eyes, and you know he's recalling all of the times Dave would tease him about it. "It's just... the image they carry. Of the imperial drones and all that. Being culled on the spot for not having your quadrants filled and... and it's just a frightening thought, okay?"

You're not really sure how to respond when Karkat's eyes look at you like that--when they're swarmed with desperation and there's a hint of a tear breaking through--so you just go with your instinct and move in to hug him. You squeeze him as tight as you can, and whisper into his hear whatever comes to your head--whatever sounds like something your Dad would say to you.

"It's okay, Karkat. You don't have to worry about that anymore." You can hear him sniffle into your shoulder, "Let's just focus on all the things you have now, and how far away you are from those bad things. You don't have to worry about drones or culling, all you've got is friends here." You kiss him lightly on the cheek, then move down to his collarbone, and lower, and lower, until you reach his bulge. "Let's focus on that."

You take most of Karkat's bulge in your mouth and watch it brighten up again. You brace yourself for the imminent surge, but you can't help but moan when it finally hits. You never knew your tongue was even capable of feeling that way. Karkat's eyes roll back as his head falls back a bit and... yeah, you feel like a fucking amateur, but you're _definitely_ doing a good job of making him feel better.

You slide your tongue under his bulge, massaging it to the best of your ability, but you can tell from the awkward shuffling his bulge is doing that your inexperience is showing. It's weird, though, because Karkat himself has his head hung back, rolling purrs in the back of his throat, yet his bulge seems to seek something more skilled. You've heard plenty of jokes about dicks having a mind of their own, but this is totally different.

Both of Karkat's hands suddenly grab the back of your head and shove you forward, completely interrupting your train of thought. The sudden roughness makes you gag a little and you're not entirely sure you can keep all of him in your mouth for too long, but you suck as much as you can as Karkat holds you there, muttering something under his breath. He lets go when you start to cough, and you spit out all of his bulge to get some air.

"You like it rough?"

"No... I just might be fantasizing about our failed kismesis, if that's okay with you." Karkat's tone is a lot softer now that you've been sucking his dick for a good ten or twenty minutes. Go figure.

Once you've recovered, you get right back to salivating over his bulge and it's candy covering, sucking hard to get the most of both the taste and the surges it's sending. Even though it's touching your tongue and that's mostly what's feeling the pleasure, your dick is rock hard and it jumps every time your mouth gets a jolt from the nerves. Your pants are feeling really fucking tight, so you unbutton them and let the cool air greet you, holding Karkat's bulge (or at least the part that's not in your mouth) in one hand and your own dick in the other. You have to stop massaging it whenever it jumps since your hands can't really match the motion it feels like it's been given, but eventually you're able to make them coincide. 

Karkat grips your head again and starts to slowly thrust into you. You remove your hand from his bulge and let him have free reign, and when you do he starts to pick up speed. His tentabulge comfortably wraps around your tongue and somehow his violent face-fucking and the bulge's elegant tongue-teasing creates one seriously erotic feeling and you can't help but stroke yourself like mad. Your tongue is getting shocks of pleasure from all around and your dick is constantly vibrating. You feel like you could lose it any second now. Coincidentally, Karkat's face has the same message written all over it. He's biting his bottom lip hard, and his eyes are closed really tight. You've already got tons of feelings going on all over you, but now you've just got this overwhelming feeling of how badly you just _want_ Karkat. You want him so bad, so _so_ bad.

Karkat holds your head still as his bulge releases wave after wave of candy-red cum inside you, but he lets go midway because he knows there's no way you'll be able to hold it all. You try to swallow some of it, but you know that's to no avail and back up, letting some of the cum drop from your mouth and watching as the rest pools on your shirt. When he finishes, he gets down on all fours and replaces your hand on your dick, stroking it the rest of the way for you. He puts his face to it and rubs it a lot, like a cat, and finishes with a long lick, which is when you finally lose it. When he gets up, he's got your cum on his face and in his hair, but damn if he doesn't look beautiful. He puts his clean cheek against yours and gives you a hug, purring lightly.

"Thanks," he says, and your stomach fills with butterflies when you hug him back. This is a Karkat you haven't really seen before, and you think you'll die if you tell anyone about it. Then again, you don't think you're going to tell anyone you gave him a blowjob, either, so it's kind of irrelevant.

"We should probably get all of this cum off us, haha," you laugh awkwardly, and Karkat can't help but do the same when he notices all of his cum on you.

"You're such a fucking idiot, John."

"You wouldn't have me any other way, though!" you reply as he helps you up.

"Damn right, I wouldn't. You're _my_ fucking idiot. Um, platonically speaking."

"Yes, platonically, right." You both stand there awkwardly for a moment, then making your way to the nearest bathroom. After a bunch of possibly-bad decisions, you decide that bathing together is another equally bad decision that you should make. It's there that Karkat says something that, simply put, makes the day. It is the ribbon to the box that holds the bunny.

"Nooksuckers are fucking great."

You can't bring yourself to disagree.


End file.
